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I hate you.

I hate everything about you.

I hate just the though of you because it does nothing but bring me pain.
I feel nothing but regret and resentment thinking of you.

I hate you for hurting me.
I hate you for not being the person I though you would be, that you said you would be.
I hate how you never tried as hard for me as i did for you.
I hate how when I finally gave up, you didn't fight it.
I hate all your broken promises and your failures.

I hate your smile.
I hate your name.
I hate that every night I still think of you. Every, fucking, night.
I hate that I can't let go of you.

I hate that I'm still broke after all this time after you.
I hate how I've changed, how I've become so bitter and cynical. and cruel.
I hate how I'm not the least bit happy or excited for my birthday, or anything anymore.

I hate that when I think of my future kids you're still in the fucking picture.
I hate that you did this to me.
I hate that you made me hate you.

God dammit I just want to forget you.
and the future we will never have together.

But most of all. I hate that I still love you too much to tell you any of this.

I hope you never see this, and that I never see you again.

I hate you.
Hate
... surprisingly I don't feel better
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I just feel.. directionless, I guess.

For all these years this relationship was my cornerstone. No matter what else happened, no matter what went wrong, no matter how many plans failed, She was still there. My future with her was still there.

I may not have know how I was gonna get there but I knew where I wanted to be in life. I knew I wanted to be with her, to live and grow old with her. To travel the world and have kids and own a house with her.

Now... even if the emotional pain is subsiding (slowly, barely, but still)... I'm just lost.

I don't have my cornerstone. I lost the one thing that I was defining the rest of my life, all of my goals and dreams through. I feel like I've lost all control over my life (or what little i had to begin with) and now I'm just falling, waiting to see where I'll land, and trying to guess how many bones I'll break when i do.
How do you feel?
I'm sure most of us have felt like this at one point or another. You're welcome to share your stories in the comments.
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deviantID

Phoenix-God-of-Fire's Profile Picture
Phoenix-God-of-Fire
Josiah Thomas
Canada
Current Residence: Moncton, NB
Favourite genre of music: rap, hip-hop, rock, techno.... anything but country really.
Favourite photographer: Louise Poirier
Favourite style of art: anime
Skin of choice: wtf?
Favourite cartoon character: i'd say wako warner but then i'd be to much like herofantasy
Personal Quote: FIRE RULZ
Interests
seems lately that's all i wite journals about. But whatever, every little bit helps right?

anyways, as some of you undoubtedly know already, the sphincters up at Google HQ have blocked all user comments and replies from everyone who refuses to change their user name to their real name, and does not have their youtbe account 'intergraded' with a google+ account. Yep, they really went there.

I trust i dont need to tell you guys what a massive amount of bovine fecal matter this is, so here's a link to a petition you can sign in order to make it known that you want this idiocy to end and have thinsg go back to the way they were.

www.change.org/petitions/googl…

Make some noise people, stay focused, but get angry and get loud. These fuckers clearly don't respect us anymore, so let's make 'em fear us.
  • Mood: Not Impressed
  • Listening to: nujabes
  • Playing: mass effect 3

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Comments


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:iconweirdandlovely:
WeirdAndLovely Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
:tighthug; Thanks for the fav on my face, pervert. ;P
Reply
:iconphoenix-god-of-fire:
Phoenix-God-of-Fire Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015
lol, your face is always favworthy ^_^ :tighthug:
Reply
:iconweirdandlovely:
WeirdAndLovely Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
:blush: :smooch:
Reply
:iconrgus:
RGUS Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Same old stuff time and time again... get real... get original.
Reply
:iconphoenix-god-of-fire:
Phoenix-God-of-Fire Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
*chuckles* can I help you?
Reply
:icondeathbyteacozy:
DeathByTeaCozy Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014
Oh, And I've forgotten to wish you a quick recovery. Being sick like that sucks, especially when you're working towards an important goal. Hope you get better soon.Hug 
Reply
:iconphoenix-god-of-fire:
Phoenix-God-of-Fire Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014
*hugs* hnaks love. I actualy feel a lot better already. good thing about having a strong immune system is even when i do get sick it doesn't usually last very long ^_^
Reply
:icondeathbyteacozy:
DeathByTeaCozy Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014
Glad to hear it ^_^
You're lucky, whenever I'm ill it lingers on. I still can't eat normally after that thing I had 3 weeks ago. My troat is completely destroyed. You could just shrug that off like an old coat, couldn't you ;)  Who says superpowers belong in comics, you seem to have very useful one.
Reply
:iconphoenix-god-of-fire:
Phoenix-God-of-Fire Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014
*must... resist.... perverted.... throat joke....*

lol, and that may be but i sure as hell didn't feel like a superpower when i was younger and never got to miss school for sick days.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondeathbyteacozy:
DeathByTeaCozy Featured By Owner May 23, 2014
Tried sending you a link, think it got messed up. Here it is again, the ad you wanted to see:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=65oo3D…
Reply
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